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| this doesn't happen to me very often in life. all thoughout my life, if i've wanted something, i've figured out a way to get it. be it a position, material thing, grade, whatever. with a few small exceptions, (hello MSU school of music), i've basically gotten all that i want. not in a spoiled brat kinda way, but in a way that i've worked for what i want. so what happens when i want something that no amount of studying or working at some resturant or reading a book can help me get? it's also hard to decide what exactly it is that i am wanting, what is causing me to feel a small void in my life. no matter how busy i force myself to get, this things keeps finding a way to sneak into my head. fuck. i wish i was still at an age where any and every problem i didn't know how to solve could be fixed by having mom and dad tell me what to do. "mom, i don't know what to do" "oh, all you do is_____________". easy, simple. no. nobody can tell me what i should do except for me. i guess i just have to think about everything. and being the sometimes systematic person i am, i'll probably think of every possible detail and maybe make a list and eventually figure out what i should do. till then..
the groung thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play... the heart yearns, the tears dry.......... | | |
| wow, there is so much going on in my head right now. geez. telling mom and dad was definately a good thing, even if they don't fully understand everything, they will in time. everyone will be fine. now i'm freaking out about the two exams i have tommorrow and the one i have on wednesday. i have to do well on them or my admission to BGSU could suffer. if i earn a final grade less than what my profs reported for my midterm grade, they can tell me to fuck off. that can't happen. also, like almost all people, i am worried about money. it's looking like i'm going to have to take out a huge loan. i'm talkin like $30,000. BGSU costs 22,000, but i have like 1500 off from scholarship/music talent award. so 20,500 of the 30k will go to BG, 6k needs to go to a car, 800 will go to glassmen tour 2006, 1000 will be set aside for glassmen tour 2007, and that only leaves 1700, which will be used for everyday living. wow, 19, and i'll be in debt 30,000. shit. dad is not going to go for this, but i think it makes sense. i can deffer the payments till after i graduate. and i'm going to need this money either way, it's just a matter of when. today, going to college means being in debt, unless you are fortunate enough to have full rides or wealthy enough parents who can pay for it all. i'll get by, duh. it'll be fine, even if dad thinks i'm going to send myself into the financial hell of bad credit. i won't let that happen. hello working at least two jobs at BG!!! gawd. time to study a lot. | | |
| omg, this is amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brh6KRvQHBc
live simpsons intro.
"Brokeback to the future"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfODSPIYwpQ | | |
| ok, so i guess i haven't written in this thing in like forever. SOooooooo may new things have happened/are going on in my life. i'm transferring to Bowling Green State University is the biggest logistical thing happening. still marching with the glassmen. gone all summer is totally bittersweet. i have an amazing time when i'm on tour. i absolutely love just about everyone in the corps. but still i can't help but feel that i am missing some things that are going on in the real world, not the drum corps world. i'm definately missing out on a TON of money to be made. i don't know. i won't ever give up drum corps until i have to starting in the summer of 2009.
recently, i took a weekend trip to lakewood, OH (outside of cleveland). shawn has a group of friends that he always talks about. he's been telling me that i would love them, fit in well with them, and should go visit with him one weekend. well, i finally did. ps- he was right. they're a great group of guys and i really enjoy hanging out with them. going back this weekend. i'd like to have the summer to get to know them better, but alas, drum corps. since i'll be going to school at BG in the fall though, i'll be able to visit much more than i can now. the new house is only like an hour and a half or so away according to mapquest.
life changes so fast. be it who you consider your friends, what you like, where you're living! better change with it, or you'll get left behind. | | |
| What do you think of my new layout? I think it's great!! Thanks to Tom for that! I promise I'll be posting more now, so lookout for new entries! | | |
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